Author: christina

ix reasons why.

ix reasons why.

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to the survivors-
i see you,
i love you,
i am you.

 

i.
because walking home,
I grip my keys
as if
they were
extensions of my hands—

as if they could
protect me
like the law
can’t.

ii.
because it doesn’t matter
what you
wear,
or what you
said,
or how you said
it.

iii.
because one in four
is too
damn
many.

iv.
because
our options
should not be
dignity or
despair.

v.
because the burden
of truth
is always
ours to
carry;
especially if
we have no
proof.

vi.
because how do
you explain
good
men
rape
too.

vii.
because even
those with
the sharpest
tongues
need protection.

viii.
because those who want
“clear and convincing”
evidence
have clearly
never been
assaulted.

ix.
because
it is already
so
hard
to say
“yes,
this is my reality.
please,
help.”

x.
because apparently
we need
more reasons
for why
we are
worth
a shot at
justice.

grandmother.

grandmother.

by christina ♥ 1 Comment

for my yin yin whom I miss dearly and have so many questions for.

i did not know you,
not in typical terms.

you were gone before
i even knew
what to
ask,

before I knew
mortality.

but i know you
in other ways.

in the ways your blood pumps
through my veins,
under skin

in the ways my feet
and hands
are always
cold

in the ways my father
remembers your cooking—
mixing what you knew with what you
hoped for

in the ways you’d watch us splash in the pool from the kitchen window,
live fish awaiting it’s fate in the sink,
wok heated almost as hot as the summer sun

in the ways i remember
your imperfect laughter,
squeezed together so tightly
into an armchair,
broken record player to our left,
dreams of seeing me grow up to your right.

how does a poem make up for
the years
I let myself
forget?

I don’t know if I
believe in
afterlife,
but if it means
the possibility of
knowing you
fully,
then I will believe
anything.

Happy TunesDay: Collection 61

Happy TunesDay: Collection 61

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It’s been a hot second, I know.

So much for posting TunesDay playlists every other week.  Apologies for the radio silence, everyone!

But I have a really good, excuse…I promise.

I MOVED ACROSS THE COUNTRY!

See? That’s a good excuse to put all your life things on hold.

While I attempt to metaphorically duct tape pieces of my life together, I thought I should get back into posting music playlists to trick myself into thinking I have some semblance of a routine again.

So, here it is. TunesDay is back…for now…until I become so overwhelmed with graduate school courses that I seep into a deep and dark, withering despair.

Til then, happy listening!

TunesDay Takeover // Arunav Sarkar

TunesDay Takeover // Arunav Sarkar

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It’s been a while since I’ve solicited friends for a TunesDay Takeover session, but I figured it was about time to bring it around again.

This week’s TunesDay playlist comes from my good high school friend, Arunav.

Whenever I’d see him or meet up with our high school friends, I’d always give him a hard time for only playing house/dubsteppy music, but he has evolved and thrown in some chill DANKK BEATZ.  I’m thoroughly impressed.

Boy has got some guhhhreat taste in music…and if you tell him that he’ll probably love you forever and give you his first-born child.

I hope this TunesDay Takeover recalibrates your mind and lets you feel calm, even if only for 2.785 minutes, or however long this playlist lasts.

Until next time,
Christina (and Arunav too, I guess)

Happy TunesDay: Collection 60

Happy TunesDay: Collection 60

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Okay, I decided.  I’m posting TunesDay playlists every other Tuesday.  I just can’t keep up with the weekly deal.  Sorry to disappoint the 3.67 people who listen to my playlists regularly!

Anyway, this week is a little hectic (as per usual).  Does anyone else turn into a sluggish, sloth-like creature when a ton of deadlines and tasks are piling up?  It’s like the more I have to do, the stronger my urge to curl into my bed and eat chocolate whilst binge-watching Freeform TV shows (aka Young & Hungry) on Netflix becomes.  Also, can we talk about how ABC Family rebranded themselves into Freeform.  I mean, what is that?  Is that supposed to make them seem young & hip with all the teens?

I have a little over a month until I embark on life’s next great adventure– 7 years studying social injustices and writing papers in Pittsburgh!  Okay, well I’m actually really excited about it, but I’m also terrified of leaving the comforts of my home.  And by “home”, I’m not just referencing the house I’ve lived in my whole life in NorCal or my apartment in SoCal.  “Home” means the friends, family, memories, laughter, tears, everything that has made me into a semi-normal, self-sustaining human person.  And all those things are in California.  How do people make new homes and still feel a constant sense of self?  It’s been 24 years and I feel like I just got a hang of things here.  And it’s really scary to think that in a small amount of time, people and places can change dramatically.  In seven years, we might as well just be completely new people.  California might be an entirely different place…country even. HAH. Jokes, but really, these next 3 years are going to be B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

So, I’m excited and terrified.  Terrifyingly excited?  Excitedly terrified?  A combination of the two.

How do you cope with moving and finding new homes?  Let me know, because I don’t have time to read a gazillion thinkpieces and self-help books.  I need the basics told to me in person.

With love as always,
Christina

Happy TunesDay: Collection 59

Happy TunesDay: Collection 59

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I’m back in the USA and am back on track (TRACK, get it? Because music.) with TunesDay!

It was an intense two weeks for me in Madrid.  I don’t know how to explain it, but I had a lot of emotions that I just wasn’t dealing with while there.  I was too preoccupied with project development and trying to be present.  I think with all my “be present, be patient, be your BEST SELF!!!” thoughts, I was actually doing myself a disservice in not really being my critical and engaged self that I usually am.  I’ll probably, maybe, write a more self-reflective post about my time there and with the WISE Learner’s program in general after a couple more days of thinking about…life.

It’s dawning on me that I’m leaving California in less than 2 months.  And to be frank, I’m freaking out.  Time is running out and I feel like I need to do a billion and one things, see a billion and one people, and also have time to eat, sleep, do laundry, and wash dishes.

I guess that’s a typical feeling for people who are about to make serious life changes.  But, even though it’s typical and normal, I don’t like it.  What happened to being carefree and youthful–throwing caution to the wind and diving into new adventures?  I like my caution and I don’t like diving.  But, I guess I’ll have to learn to get accustomed to it.

Until then, I’ll be listening to this pop-synth-electro playlist to slow my mind down from 190320138913 km/hr to a solid 45 mi/hr, because we’re in the USA and the metric system is silly.

sending you all calm hearts and strong minds,
Christina

Happy TunesDay: Collection 58

Happy TunesDay: Collection 58

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A couple weeks have come and gone. Apologies for falling behind on TunesDays again!

This past week, I’ve been revisiting my roots a little bit and sifting through Chinese music. I’ve mostly found Mandarin music that I like, with a bit of Canto-pop sprinkled in. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a lot of the songs I wanted on Soundcloud…so if anyone has any indie/alternative Cantonese tunes to recommend, I’d appreciate it!

I used to just think popular Chinese music was bubble-gum pop goodness or really brooding ballads, but just like the US, China & Taiwan’s music scene is eclectic and varied…you just kind of need to sort through a bunch of stuff to get to the sound you like.  It doesn’t help that my Chinese is super discombobulated, and I can only read every 17th word.

For this week’s playlist, I put together a variety of Mandarin tunes from different genres. Most of them are jazzy, bossanova sounds, but there’s some other surprises in store too.

Now my next task is to actually understand what these songs are about…

my mother

my mother

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my mother never stops working;
even in retirement,
she’s never retired.

sometimes tired,
she doesn’t hide it;
let’s me know it now.

tired like she never had bound feet,
but had to bind her dreams;
had to trade pushing pens and paper to pushing pills,
tired.

tired like she raised a family
out of breath and bones and brains,
tired.

tired like watching your children leave the nest,
and trying not to worry about the rest
of our lives,
tired.

my mother,
tired,
but alive.

alive like ginger and ginseng,
homemade remedies I used to cringe at,
but now long for,
alive.

alive like the trembling quake of her snore
that reverberates down hallways
through ear drums,
and keeps me awake,
alive.

alive like no man could ever hurt me the way
my mom and dad love me,
alive.

alive like they tried to stomp us out,
to make our exclusion legal,
and keep our arms empty,
alive.

my mother,
never stops working;
loves and lives
as if every hour she does
she is paid in full;
is tired,
but living and alive and loved.

my mother.

Happy TunesDay: Collection 57

Happy TunesDay: Collection 57

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This week’s playlist is a medley of pop and dance pop beats with feisty womxn singers.

It starts out a little more mellow, but the playlist works its way up in energy, then back down, then up again, just like how my mood is right now.

I woke up early, was a bit tired, got energized from starting my day with some pals, and now am feeling a bit slow…but it’s definitely because of the benadryl I took. My allergies are going a little haywire today, but hopefully my energy will pick up because I’m conducting two interviews for my podcast today! YAY! So exciting.

In the meantime, this playlist will keep me from falling into a deep, allergy meds-induced slumber.

Happy listening, folks!

Happy Tuesday: Collection 56

Happy Tuesday: Collection 56

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Another TunesDay is here.  It feels like I blinked and a whole week already passed.

My podcast launch was successful, though I’m constantly reminded my friends are always 1.35 hours late to anything I ever plan.  Next time I need to start things later than I anticipate!

Anyway, thanks to everyone who listened to & supported Seats At The Table so far.

Sessions will be posted bi-weekly, so nothing new will but up tomorrow, but next Wednesday, expect to hear an awesome new podcast!

For today’s TunesDay, I’m mentally preparing myself to see The 1975 with my dear pal, Zareen… granted the concert is still a couple of weeks away, but I always like being prepared.  So, I put together a mellow, soft rock/pop playlist with some of their songs to help me recharge while I drive around in my car.

Hope you have a lovely week, friends!