The One Where Christina Gushes Her Feelings.

I’m going to graduate school!

A lot of my friends already know this, but I felt like I should share the news again.

Look.

It’s been three years since I knew I wanted this for myself, but I kept pushing it off because I felt I just wasn’t ready.  So, this is a big, big, huge deal for me.

The grad application process (and my many, many subsequent rejections) has been a unique experience–one that has been financially costly, emotionally debilitating, and strangely humbling.  I spent many nights writing, editing, and re-editing (did I mention editing?) my personal statements, talking to faculty and graduate students at different programs, and doing a lot of research on schools.  It got to the point where I was getting pretty unrealistically attached to particular programs.  My overactive imagination had me thinking of how amazing it would be go to a certain school, meet new friends and have cool & intellectual conversations.  And so, when I was getting rejection after rejection, it was tough.  Like, questioning my entire life trajectory, sort of tough.

But, surprisingly (at least to me), I’ve made it through and am ready (hopefully) to make some sort of mark on the world around me & impact at least a little part of it for the better.  I’m tremendously excited about the research that faculty in the department are doing, and it’s really nice to know that I’ll get to be a part of it, while also doing my own research and producing knowledge–not just consuming knowledge like I consume Taco Bell in my bed at night.

Okay.  So, now that I covered me being excited and whatnot, here’s where the gushing and mushy stuff starts.  You’ve been warned.

I know how lucky I am.  I recognize how serendipitous it all is.  And I don’t take it for granted.  Whenever something sort of big in my life happens, I try to reflect, be thankful, and extend my gratitude for my loved ones to an e-abyss of sorts (aka my blog).  It’s the closest thing I have to prayer.

I am so unbelievably grateful for the people and the places that have made me the person I am today.  I couldn’t have found my place and come to love myself the way I do if it weren’t for the friends, mentors, and family I have that keep me grounded.  That sense of love for myself and my community is what gave me the courage to pursue Sociology to study activism and social movements in the U.S…especially during a time when public education is under attack and there’s actually no job security in studying what I want to study since the tr*** administration doesn’t seem particularly fond of academic disciplines that question systems of capitalism and white supremacy, but that’s a different blog post for a different time.

ANYWHO, although I am incredibly nervous and almost overwhelmingly daunted by moving across the country, leaving my home, and starting a Ph.D. program, I am super happy…like ALL CAPS LOCKS TO EMULATE MY SCREAMING INSIDES happy.  And the people in my life have motivated me, given me confidence, and encouraged me to believe in myself.

If I listed out every person who gave me hope and believed in me even when I questioned a lot of my skills & aspirations, this post would go on for days.  Even me realizing that as I’m typing makes me want to smash my keyboard in delight.  From my parents who dealt with me flip-flap-flopping through different dream careers (fashion designer, stylist, business owner, literallyanythingexceptapharmacist) and still supported me when I got straight up D’s and F’s because they “knew I was smarter than that”, to my roommates who became my closest friends, I’ve been given a lot of wonderful people in my life.  Knowing that makes it so much harder for me to leave.  But, I’m certain I’ll move on to the next chapter with them in mind, motivating me to be just as kind and loving to others as they have all been to me.

Aside from actual people, I’m also exceedingly thankful to the place I have called home since my momma and poppa made me.

California, you have been so good to me.  You’ve taught me how to straddle waves, how to climb proverbial and literal mountains, how to fall, how to close my eyes without closing myself off.  You gave my grandparents refuge, let them dream, gave them hope, cradled their family in your valleys.  I don’t know what my life would be or what their life would be if we called anywhere else our home.  I don’t dwell on it much, but when I do, I know it would be different.  You gave me a safe place to grow, not without struggle, but your stretch of land saved me.  I will always know you as “home”, even if miles separate us.

Even though I’m leaving, I’m happily confident (or confidently happy?) to know that the friendships I’ve cultivated over years are strong enough to overcome geographic distance and that the love I have for my community, my friends, and my family knows no bounds.  I might be hundreds of miles away, but I know I’ll still get a call from my mom telling me to keep warm and be careful of snow.  I know I can count on my best friends to send me memes on Instagram to keep me in the pop culture loop.  And while I don’t think it would be feasible (or healthy), I know I could get plenty of people to Fed-Ex me some boba and Chinese food if I needed.  That kind of support is what I’ll miss and what I’ll be searching for wherever life takes me.

So thank you to whomever is out there, whether it’s a deity or the universe or something else entirely, I am so grateful.  I hope I can retain this feeling of gratitude when I’m stressed out beyond belief in approximately 5 months.

And the gushing is done.

xoxo,
Christina

It Starts With This: A Microsoft YouthSpark Challenge For Change Winner’s Letter To You

I love giveaways.

I have two entire email addresses dedicated just for subscribing to store newsletters and company giveaways & contests.

Even though the whole “luck of the draw” concept gets me excited, I never really expect to win anything. I don’t feel particularly lucky, nor do I know if I really believe in the concept of luck or fate.

But, I do believe in good ideas and the power of sharing those ideas. Maybe that’s what compelled me to apply for Microsoft YouthSpark’s first Challenge for Change competition one and a half years ago.

Or maybe I was procrastinating on studying for final exams and I found myself clicking the sidebar ads on Facebook that led me to the competition entry page.

Maybe it was a little of both.

I’ll just say it was a little of both.

I didn’t always think that sharing your ideas was a good thing. Giving your idea a public platform can put you in a very vulnerable place. You can be criticized, belittled, undermined. Honestly, I really should have been more afraid of applying for the competition. But, I wasn’t due in part to the fact that I honestly did not expect to win.

Fast-forward a month and I had become a finalist. I was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe that I had captured the attention of a panel of Microsoft employees who believed in my idea to bring peace education to primary school students around the world. Still, I did not think I deserved the attention or recognition that being a “finalist” in anything would bestow on someone. I wondered to myself why on earth anyone would pick me against the other young changemakers that applied.

A couple months later, four others and I won the competition. We were on our way to Kenya through the non-profit organization, Free The Children and their social enterprise, Me to We. That trip was an adventure I won’t soon forget.

After winning and going on an incredible journey, both physically and mentally, I realized several things:

First, it only takes an idea to change your life. Your idea may not give you global acclaim or make your crush like you back. But, if you believe in something strongly enough, you can change your entire world. And that’s something worth celebrating. I had no idea that the tangibility of peace education could impact my entire life, but it has. The idea took ahold of me and allowed me to develop a comprehensive understanding of social justice issues. It showed me that peace could give someone more hope and strength than any oppressive show of force could ever provide. Your idea, whatever it is, believe in it and run with it. You’ll be surprised at how much you grow from that little idea.

Second, the power of believing in yourself and having a supportive group of peers is instrumental for success. You may have doubts about your abilities, especially when there are many projects out there that are impactful and powerfully shifting mainstream narratives. But, I think that (a healthy amount of) doubts are only reminders to remain critical and analyze your ideas so that they can become the best they can be. Small doubts can eventually make you more confident if taken care of healthily. But, if you doubt too much, having a kind network of people that can tell you to relax every once in a while is extremely beneficial.

Third, don’t let competition consume you. If you become a finalist, you’re put up against a great group of changemakers who have equally as great of ideas as you do. Be confident in your abilities, but remember you are not the only person who matters. Remember that you are not special because you are a finalist or because you win something. You are special because you are one representative of the multitudes of people who do good in the world. I think the excitement that comes with winning a competition makes you think that you deserve recognition and praise over other people. Don’t let the idea of “winning” something tarnish your ability to see others’ ideas as something equally as wonderful as yours. Instead, empower others to understand your own goals and work to understand theirs. Solidarity is a strengthening thing. That’s why they call it solidarity.

Lastly, you are young. This competition is for youth, after all. Because you are young and because you now pressure yourself to take on the world, you will become burnt out. It is the nature of being an activist and visionary. That’s what you are, even if you don’t think it. Remember that as a visionary, your idea has the power to impact your entire being if you let it. Winning a contest is just the first step in journey to being all you want to be. It’s a beautiful journey and winning allows you to feel validated, but it can and will get tiring. Take a second and breathe. Let yourself witness all the amazing things that have come from your one idea, but don’t let it overwhelm you. You do not need to accomplish everything in one sitting. Let yourself make some mistakes and make sure you give a little bit of knowledge to someone else that wants their own idea to take flight. Even though you are young, you have a great deal of insight. Share it and do not be ashamed.

We are given great opportunities in this world. Microsoft YouthSpark’s Challenge for Change is one of those opportunities. This competition not only challenges us to think about ways to improve the world, but also challenges us to believe in the power of youth.   We are able to say that youth are not just our future, but also impactful solutionaries in our present. The Challenge for Change forces us to see that good ideas do not just come from traditionally educated adults, but also from children of all different backgrounds. And their ideas are being given a wonderful platform to grow and prosper. I have the competition to thank for my personal growth and fervent belief in peace as a powerful tool of change. I hope that you too will thank it for helping you develop your own idea for change.

If you are thinking about applying for this year’s Challenge for Change competition, do it. Who better to help mold a brighter, more compassionate and equitable future than you?

If you have an inkling of an idea about how to improve this planet we’re living on, share it with the world. We’re ready for you.

With peace & compassion,

Christina